the case of the over-sharer

This weekend I decided to try something a little different and be a nice person and boy did it ever bite me in the ass.

Picture this, Friday evening...8:30pm. I had a great day at the office because it was team building day so we just played various games all day and did art projects. To top it off we enjoyed a potluck lunch (I love a good potluck) and all left work early to do a wine tasting together.

So needless to say when I left the winery at 5pm I was feelin' fine. I headed my tipsy butt to the old gym and did a good 1.5 hours of cardio then went home and felt not one iota of guilt when I made pasta for the manfriend and I.

Now the plan all week was for me to curl my hair and put on a dress so Jose could parade me around to some of the nicer bars in our tiny little town. I was looking forward to it as you can imagine anyone who loves dresses and wine would be.

I cleaned up our dishes and stepped outside to let Fred the dog do his business.

As I am out there my neighbors call me over.

These neighbors have lived across from us for about 6 months now. It is a man and his wife, their baby and his brother who all live together. We do not know them well but they are very nice. We always say hello, how ya doin, all that shit.

They have even been so kind as to let little Fred out for us a time or two.

Anywho, they ask me what Jose and I have on the agenda for the evening, to which I reply, "we are going to have a few drinks at a bar."

They do not like this answer and literally beg me to stay in and have drinks with them on the patio instead because it is the brothers last night in town and they can't go out because of the baby.

I run it by manfriend and he agrees. They are really nice and the brother is moving the next day, it is the least we can do.

Big f-ing mistake.

Within ten minutes of interaction, I am told all about brother #1's recent surgery....on his testicles.

I have never heard the word testicle uttered by a stranger so many times in such a short period of time.

I learned brother #2 had only moved in with brother #1 and wife so he could get clean, legend has it he has a nasty little pill habit.

Brother #1 gave us the whole story of his high school glory days referring to himself as quite a "stud". In my experience if you refer to yourself as a stud, you are anything but.

Between the brothers and the wife I come to discover there are a combined 4 or 5 baby mamas and daddys. They are all in their early 20s with more babies than I have shoes.

Brother #1's wife slept with Brother #2 before Brother #1 married her.

Brother #1 also made mention of the fact that he once slept with 17 women in a week, right in front of his wife/baby mama...She did not seem bothered by the statement.

The icing on the cake however was when Brother #1 told us he was supposed to perform in the Olympics for archery, but decided against it because he didn't want to spend that much time away from his girlfriend at the time. At that point I actually started laughing out loud...and Jose had to cover and say I just was loopy from the wine.

I really wish I could just go back to the days when we all just said hi and bye to each other. Now we have all shared this awkward evening and I am dreading the day when they ask me for my number or try to get me to babysit or something.

Should have went on that date instead.