Lessons Learned

I like to think I am a pretty intelligent person. I mean I have a Master's degree and I make slightly more than minimum wage so clearly I am doing something right, but I am ashamed to admit when it comes to some subjects I am just completely ignorant.

One such subject is the wild world of crystal meth. I am embarrassed to say I don't know the first thing about how to make, sell, smoke, snort (or however you do it), or frankly even where to buy it should I want to try the stuff. Crazy right? It's just something I never gave much thought to I guess. Luckily a show has swept the nation, and is educating me and everyone else who watches Breaking Bad on the topic. I still have lots to learn before I can cook up my own batch, but I really feel blessed to have gained so much knowledge from the show...and you can too.

1. Every recreational vehicle on the road is potentially a mobile meth lab. Just because that elderly couple you see driving down the interstate looks sweet and innocent, there is a real good chance it is just a front. More likely than not they are cooking up a big ass batch of meth in the back of that RV.

2. When trying to poison someone don't keep the poison in with your own cigs. Look at how much freakin trouble that cancer stick caused. I mean sick kids, dead drug lords...no good, no good at all. Keep the poison in a bottle with a skull and crossbones on it like they did in the old days. It's the only way.

3. Do not fuck with anyone named Walter. Walter White, Walter from the Burbs, Walter Cronkite, Walter Matthau. You get the picture. All totally bad ass.

4. Never trust your teachers. Particularly sciences teachers, but all of them really. Anyone who willing chooses to spend eight hours a day with twenty children they did not birth likely has some issues.

5. When your dad is up to no good, you can get him to buy you lots of cool shit. Affairs, drug scandals, etc.. if his conscious is guilty you can totally score a sweet car and heightened allowance.

6. You never know what secrets your family members are hiding. And most likely it's the ones who seem nerdy that have the most skeletons in their closet, so tread lightly.

7. Car washes are shady.

8. Super smart people are dangerous. Every single time it seems like Walt and Jesse are done for, Walt comes up with some genius scheme to save their asses. Lilly of the valley, the nursing home, working for the enemy, you name it he manages to cheat death and lock down. He also has more money hidden in the walls of his house than the rest of us will see in our lives. Well played Walt, well played.

9. Filling your bath tub with chemicals is not a good idea. Not a good idea and messy to boot. Not to mention what that can do to resale value.

10. Someone with multiple cell phones probably sells drugs. It's a "business" phone, sure. Sure it is. A meth business phone.