I love you Alka-Seltzer

So it happened...I finally got sick.

All the bitches in my office have been hacking up a lung all winter, and I have remained unscathed.  (I say bitches with the up most love and respect, I really do love most of them). 

Then we got back from New York.  That first Monday back I was a little sluggish,  I thought it was just from all the drinking and walking 5823389 miles a day. But no, by Tuesday I was a snot nosed, itchy throated mess.

I went to work anyway.  I had some hot tea on my drive in and came prepared with Halls breezes cough drops (aka candy), and emergencee packs.  I settled into work and went to the kitchen to make my second cup of green tea.  Somehow my dumb ass managed to pour boiling hot water onto my hand instead of into the tea cup where it belonged.

It hurt like hell, honestly I even cried a little because I was afraid it would give me a deformed hand.  I didn't want to have to transplant skin from my butt onto my hand!!

I went to our medical person on staff and he assured me it was just a first degree burn and I would live. 

My hand looks like I dipped it in red paint still!

It doesn't hurt too bad anymore, but sill looks weird...I am hoping to return to a normal hue by the weekend.

In addition to the hand my cold was raging as well.  I pretty much got nothing accomplished at work on Tuesday because I could only stand the hand pain if my hand was wrapped in a cold cloth.  Typing isn't that easy with one hand!

Awesome day at the office.  So I opted to stay home Wednesday.  Now, anyone who knows me can tell you I really hate to take a sick day when I am actually sick.  I try to suffer at work when I am sick and infect my coworkers so I can reserve my "sick" days for traveling, and doing other fun things, not sitting home being miserable.

But I was too sick to stick to my guns and I stayed home and moped around the house and slept.  I only left once to get cold medicine (which made me high so that's a plus)  I never take medication, but the nasty running nose of a five year old lead me to the drugs.  I took alka-seltzer, and man did it pack a punch.

I don't know how stay at home moms do it, daytime TV friggen sucks.  I started watching Downton Abbey on my kindle.  Great, the only TV show I wasn't hooked on, the bastard cold got me addicted.

I am back at work now and mostly better, I don't sound like a 50 year old chain smoker anymore so that is good.

DD (and I don't mean double divas)

This one time I was a designated driver. I am never the designated driver, for one thing I am a terrible driver, and for another even when I say I will DD I usually end up getting hammered and passing the glorious job off on someone else. The other night however my karma caught up with me and I was conned into driving. I was at the mall with my gal pal and man friend told me he was going to the pub to watch the Raven’s game with a friend. I told him to have fun and got my shop on. When we were ready to head home a few hours later my GF and I were starving, I asked her if she wanted to meet up with the guys for some nutritious bar food. She said hells ya, so we went. Man friend and his crazy friend were shwasted when we arrived. The bartender came over and I ordered a miller lite, my girlfriend proceeded to order a double jack and coke, she slammed that one and ordered a second. Here I was halfway into a miller lite surrounded by three drunk people!!! A trap I tell you!! I ended up driving everyone to a second bar, then taking everyone home, and returning to the second bar to pick up another friend to drive him home. I felt like a hero. It actually wasn’t nearly as bad as I always imagined being DD would be. Not that I ever want to do it again, but it wasn’t awful.

New York State of Mind

Holy Canolie....I had totally forgotten how amazing New York is.  Manfriend and I returned to Maryland last night, and honestly if it weren't for the sweet little pitt bull i would miss too much, I would have been content to stay put in NY and never come back.

We woke up bright and early on Friday morning to head to a park and ride to catch a mega bus...pure class.  I am not much of a morning person and having risen at 4:30am that day, I was not feeling super hot.  I suffer from non-pregnant morning sickness.  I am not sure it is an actual disease or just my hatred of the early morning, but anytime i am up before 6:30 I feel super nauseous.  I am much more ok with still being awake at that hour, than waking at it.  So we got coffee and drove the 2 hours to Baltimore to catch the bus (have i mentioned lately we live in the middle of nowhere??) 

The mega bus was surprisingly nice and really easy to use.  I slept most of the way and around 11am we were deposited in Time's Square.  The moment I stepped off the bus the excitement of the city made me one happy camper.  I haven't been in NY (with the exception of for a few hours for work a few years ago) in ten years....I mean shit I couldn't event drink back then.

We quickly checked into our hotel; Manfriend booked us a really cool room in times square. I am lucky.  The room was gorgeous I loved it and am sad i forgot to take any pics in the actual room.  Here is the lobby though:

We got changed, and headed to the nearest bar, shocker I know, for some drinks and lunch.  After that we made moves over to MOMA, a museum I have been itching to go to since before I even started working in museums.  It did not disappoint.  Even manfriend loved it.  We spent several hours taking it all in.

After that we headed over to NBC studios and took the studio tour.  I loved it. I got to watch Kenan Thompson practicing for SNL!  One of my dreams is to watch a live taping of SNL, we tried this visit with no luck, but mark my words it will happen.

Next, we walked around Rockefeller Center for a bit, it was lightly snowing, people were ice skating, the flags were blowing...serious perfection.  I was in heaven.

By this point, we both needed drinks, so we headed back to the hotel got gussied up and went to have a few beers before our dinner reservation.  Naturally the bartender decided he loved manfriend and gave us free shots of Jameson, so much for keeping the evening classy.  I had literally just commenting to manfriend after watching a guy order a round, that shots before 9 pm is always a recipe for disaster.  But I also don't believe in turning down free whiskey so naturally I downed that shot. 

We then headed over to Mesa for dinner, that is one of Bobby Flay's restaurants;  I am obsessed with the food network, also my manfriend and I like to think we are rich so we decided to go.  Our reservation was late which meant we had to suffer through the most amazing margaritas of our lives at the bar while waiting for our table.  White peach margarita from Mesa-do it.

By dinner I was pretty well wasted, but the food helped me to sober up a tad.  I ordered an eggplant stuffed chili relano, it was hands down incredible.

(This photo doesn't do any justice, but keep in mind I was 2 beers, 1 shot, and 1 1/2 margaritas in by now)

Manfriend has an old high school buddy who is a DJ in New York, we didn't make plans to meet him, because we don't really like plans, but we decided after dinner to head to the bar he was playing at and surprise him.  He was so excited to see my bf, it had been years.  I am always excited to meet someone new and he was quite a delight.  After way too many drinks at the bar he was DJing, he took us to a bar in Brooklyn.  Mind you it was 2am at this point and I was hammered so going back to the hotel would have been the wise choice.  I am nothing if not unwise though.  Honestly I don't really recall much from this bar, or the one I am told we went to after, or the cab ride back to Manhattan which I am told I slept through.  I do know that I had a blast.

I know that I had a blast based on how shitty I felt when I woke up Saturday morning.  I pretty much wanted to die and threw up in our super stylish hotel bathroom multiple times.  What a class act I am.

Once I stopped wanting to die we spent Saturday romping around Central Park, eating pasta, and people watching.  Around 6 we went back to the room so I could change into a skirt and heels (it was 20 degrees and icy out after all).  We enjoyed some Thai food for dinner (I consumed nothing but noodles all day thanks to my bastard of a hangover).  After dinner we went to a comedy club for drinks and a show.  Of the 5 comics I cannot pick a favorite.  I laughed my ass off.  We went to one more bar after the show, then called it a night at midnight....this is how I planned Friday night to go as well, I always have intentions of being a grown up and not drinking my body weight in alcohol; it just doesn't usually happen. 

Sunday, we woke up feeling amazing and refreshed.  Grabbed a quick bagel for breakfast, then got on the subway and headed to the 9/11 memorial.  After that we made our way to Chinatown to search for a pet Mogwai.  We didn't find any, but I did see a lot of weird shit and smelled a lot of strange fish smells.  I  don't think I would not like Chinatown in August.

Despite all the strange dried fish and odd scents of Chinatown, I still wanted sushi, and manfriend treated me to a wonderful lunch in a great place called Blue Ribbon sushi.  Totally top notch.

We walked around SOHO, Greenwich Village, and Hells Kitchen.  Not for any particular reason other than I had heard of all those neighborhoods.  A few beers later we had to make our way to the bus lot to head home.  I honestly kind of want to move and just be apartment poor and live there forever, but for now I am back in Maryland.

the big apple!

In case you weren't jealous of my life enough already, I am going to New York tomorrow!

I know, I know it's a glamours life I lead; I work in civil service with no health insurance to speak of and I pick up dog poo on a daily basis...Fergie said it best G-L-A-M-O-U-R-S.
But since we like to live like rich folk, tomorrow morning man friend and I are boarding a mega bus bound for NYC!  I could pee I'm so excited.  I haven't set foot in the greatest city in the country in years and I cannot wait.

We have a lot of things planned, mostly drinking and eating and a few museums.  We are going for a real mix of class and trash with this trip; just the way I like it.  I will fill you all in when and if I return.

Seattle...the sexiest place on Earth

I don’t know how I forgot to mention in my Christmas vacation post that I recently went to the sexiest place on earth! As a Christmas gift each year, my mom takes me on a vacation. It is the best gift ever, and we have gone all over. This year she took me to Seattle. As soon as I arrived my little hippie heart was filled with joy. I love you man friend, but if I am ever single I am going back to Seattle and sleeping with every man I see. I have never in my life seen so many beautiful, rugged, messy haired men in all my life. I loved everything about Seattle, but the men were the best part by far.

Tossin' Cookies

Man friend and I have many things in common.
-We both love beer.
-We both love to laugh.
-We both like to make up voices and conversations for animals and strangers.
-We both are obsessed with our dog.
-We both love to travel.
-And last but not least, we both puke a lot when we are hungover.


I have to say man friend may do this a bit more than I, but we are
both pretty good at it. Not long ago we got super hammered with some
friends and ended the night with cookie dough vodka shots. That shit
was made by the devil himself and I know I will never be able to
indulge in even real cookie dough again let alone the vodka form.
Anyway the night before we had made plans to attend an art fair with
our neighbor. Noon rolls around and she shows up ready to go to the
fair. Man friend and I are not doing so well, but we go. I really
wanted to check it out and we had made a promise for god sakes. So we
stop at the ATM on our way so I can get some cash. While my little
car is at the ATM and I am getting my money (there is a car waiting
behind us in line mind you) man friend opens the passenger door and
just pukes like there is no tomorrow. I felt so sorry for my
girlfriend in the back seat. No one is quiet or graceful when puking,
but man friend is downright repulsive. It is so loud and awful. And
there were people watching! I was laughing hysterically of course.
He seemed to feel a bit better so we continued on our course to the
art fair, when we were almost there I decided it was my turn and I too
needed to puke. I however am a lady, and pulled into a gas station.
Where I proceeded to go inside and puke in a public restroom (nasty).
In hindsight, I think man friend had the right idea.

Happy New Year (a few weeks late) and welcome to my blog

Well I started this silly little blog several years ago and then forgot about it because I drink too damn much. So as one of my several resolutions I plan to not keep this year I am going to give it another go.  My last post was from like 2009 so I just deleted that shit. If you want to know more about me, just click here. It will change your life, swear to Santa. So for now I am going to just jump right into telling you all about my holiday season. Enjoy darlings.

(My little man with Santa!)

In all seriousness though I’m f-ing excited for 2013.  I really think it is going to be a good year for me. 2012 wasn’t so bad herself! I really can’t believe this month is almost over it literally zipped past me, and I really haven’t done much but eat junk food, watch TV, and not get shit done at work; but my funk is over as of this week and I am blaming Santa for the beginning of January’s laziness. I had a really great visit to Michigan for Christmas, it probably couldn’t have been any better…I mean it.  I got to spend tons of time with my family (they are the best family). I also was able to get belligerently drunk with almost every single one of my degenerate friends.  There are only a handful of people I wasn’t able to see, so it was honestly wonderful.

(this photo has nothing to do with the post, but look how cute my boy is!!!)

I have been trying (pretty successfully) to diet the last few months. It has not been very hard at all with the exception of one thing…I haven’t been able to drink much.  I love to drink, it is actually my favorite pastime by far, but according to the My Fitness Pal app on my smart ass iphone, alcohol is not healthy for me.  I think the jury is still out, but when counting calories I have had to refrain.  I knew it would not be fair to deny my family and friends back in Michigan
the old alcoholic me, so I decided binge drinking was allowed and encouraged during my trip.  I got hammered as can be the second day of my visit when I hosted a brunch.  My friends arrived at 1pm and the drinking continued until 9pm at which point we went to the bar. Bloody Marys, shots of Jameson, Mimosas, beers, and the grand finally shots of baileys (gross) made for quite a wild time (and that was prebar, lord knows I don’t remember shit from the bar).   The recycle bin
after the party contained at least 4 fifths of vodka, 4 bottles of champagne and many other dead soldiers.   It was a pretty impressive/disturbing sight.

The following morning was Christmas Eve, and for some reason I agreed to attend Zumba with my mom at nine am…I was honestly afraid I might toss my cookies on some poor woman trying to exercise.  I know for a fact, since I did not shower that I must have reeked of booze.  AHHH
memories.

New Year’s Eve was another highlight when I truly let my hair down and pretended I can still drink like a college kid.  I must have had 78 vodka sodas that night and I danced like a little rascal until the wee hours of the morning.  I went to a party at a hotel which I have never done before (more of a house party gal on NYE).  It was fun thanks to my posse of college girlfriends, but otherwise the hall party is not for me.  It was pretty trashy; think American Gypsy girls but all super wasted.  Guys were shooting champagne all over the dance floor (glad I did my hair for nothing a-holes!).  But it really was fun despite the lack of class.

The next morning, AKA the day of man friend’s and my 12 hour drive back to Maryland however was not fun. Not fun at all.  He called me at 9am and said he was on his way to pick me up (Man friend went to a different party, we are progressive like that…I kissed a girl at midnight; kissed like pecked not Katy Perry kissed).  At no point did I shower.  I put on some yoga pants
and no bra and got in the car.  My hair was crunchy from the champagne that was sprayed at me by the cast of Jersey Shore (I saw lots of fist pumping so it must have been them).  I was angry…I did not want to be in a car! NO! I wanted to be on a couch eating Chinese food, or pizza, or a turkey club sandwich…I wanted to be watching reality TV.  I did not want to drive (well ride, we all know I wasn’t driving) 12 hours. I hated life.  The only things I enjoy when hungover are eating and taking showers.  On a real bad hangover day I will take 4 or 5 showers and eat 2 or 3 days worth of food.  See why I can drink on my diet??

Anyway, man friend is so nice.  He was really sweet to me in my condition.  I told him I was hungry and he had already gotten us Jimmy John’s subs for the ride! OMG.  I took two bites of the delicious sub, and immediately screamed at him to pull over.  I threw that sub up on the side of the I75 freeway.  I am not sure I have ever thrown up on I75 before, 696 yes of course, but that was years and years ago.  It was not my proudest moment, and baby dog was in the back seat watching the whole time.  I did not throw up again the rest of the trip luckily, just slept with my arm blocking any light for approximately 11 hours.  When we were just over an hour from our home, I told man friend enough was enough…he had to work the next day after all and it was about 10pm so me being the kind hearted gal I am told him I would drive.  What a doll I am right?? 1 whole hour!! So I get behind the wheel and literally five minutes later am pulled over by a GD state trooper.  I was clocked at 15 over and he wrote me a ticket for five over. FML! The worst part….I don’t even speed!!! I was just so tired and so hung-over still I guess my foot was extra heavy…honestly it was probably just all the crap I ate over the holidays weighing my foot down.  You’re a real bastard Santa!