Merry Freakin Christmas

So it is pretty unlikely that I will be doing any blogging this week cats.

I have a pretty full line up of eating and day drinking while I am in Michigan for the week.

I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas and I will be back soon with some stories from my vacation in the mitten state.

The Biggest Asshats of 2013

So Babwa may like to talk about the most fascinating people of the year, but I would like to take a few minutes to honor the people who I think are the worst this year. I mean obviously they are doing something right because I am talking about them and all, but I am a firm believer that not all press is good press. And I am a goddamn marketing director so I know stuff. I would also like to note I made this list before I watched Bab's special so it is purely coincidental that two of my nominees are the same as hers.

1. Miley. I'm sorry, as much as I think Wrecking Ball is kind of an awesome song, this girl sucks. If you want to smoke the gange go for it, but we aren't in middle school you don't need to convince all your pre-teen fans it is cool by doing it on stage and whatnot. Also, dress as slutty as you want. Hell if I had your body I would walk around naked, but put some creativity into your performances. Be an artist, don't hump a giant teddy bear that is just weird not provocative.

2. The Boston Bomber. I have never run a marathon, I have no doubt in my mind that it sucks complete ass. I also have no doubt in my mind what an amazing experience and accomplishment it is for those running and watching ones they love run in a marathon. What kind of a dick whistle ruins that by being a loser terrorist? Get a life.

3. North West. I feel bad saying this because she is just a babe, but homegirl stands no chance of not being a complete douch. Look at her parents, she is a lost cause and can't even walk yet. Way to go Kimwaye, you have given the world another terrible example of humanity.

4. The US government. I have never been a fan of you, but this year you sucked it up even more than usual. Who just throws a tantrum and shuts down? If 7-11 can be open 365 days a year, so too can the friggen government.

5. The owner of WaWa. Damn you for making such delicious coffee and being the world's best gas station. I spend way too much money in your store and I hate you for it. Would you please at least come out with a rewards program already? I clearly can't control myself enough not to stop in every morning so I should at least like to be racking up some points. If you haven't been to WaWa, you should probably schedule a road trip just to do so. I'm not kidding at all.

6. The Navy Yard shooter. One of my very, very dear friends was in that building. Thank all that is holy he is safe and sound but what the frick. Work sucks enough without having to fear for your life which is what everyone in that building was faced with that day. It is truely sad that terrorists are taking up two spots on this list. This goes out to all school shooters, movie theater shooters, and other terrorists out there too. Ain't nobody got time for that.

7. Prince Fielder. I was 100% behind your giant ass when you became a Tiger. Your dad was my favorite Tiger when I was a little girl and I was so excited to have you on our team. And then you just made one dumb ass comment after another and stopped hitting the ball. Good riddance Prince, that's what I say to you.

Who did I miss???

you spin me right round baby

Right round.

I love that song. But the point of this post is actually to tell you all a little tale about my relationship with a little thing called spin class.

You see, there aren't many things in life I am afraid of. I am not trying to brag or anything, I am just a little bit of a badass when it comes to most things in life.

So when I found myself utterly terrified of trying spin class for the first time it kind of annoyed me.

I really don't know why I was so scared. I wanted to try it out because I heard people talk about spin class all the damn time and I was taking pretty much every other class at my gym so why not give it a go right?

But for whatever reason anytime I planned to try it I chickened out.

Then, about two months ago I took off my little bitch pants and finally tried it. After my first spin class, I realized I was completely right to have been so scared.

That class fuc*ing sucked. It was hard, I was sweaty, and I honestly hated it.

I had never been so sweaty in my life and for that reason I decided that even though I did not enjoy spin, it must be a great workout so I kept going once a week.

It became easier and slightly less shitty the more classes I put under my belt, but I still never enjoyed it like I do most other workouts.

I had pretty much concluded that spin just wasn't my thing until two weeks ago when the Wednesday night class had a substitute.

After that fateful class I discovered I do not hate spin. I actually love it. I love it a lot.

But only when it is being taught by a sassy ass black man named Mark.

Mark's class was amazing. He was fun and motivating and just so much more awesome than any other instructor I have spun with. He played the greatest songs and he told us all about the best way to drink on the weekends to avoid hangovers. A wealth of knowledge that man.

Sadly, his class is at a time when I rarely will be able to attend, but I am going to do my best to go when I can.

In the meantime I am going to keep spinning with the other lameo teachers in hopes that Mark will be subbing more often than not. (some of them really are lame, like the one I had last Saturday who played Goo Goo Dolls the entire class...like not kidding).

So if you think you hate spin, you probably don't. You just need to find your own Mark to make it more fun.

Oh yeah, he played this song my first class with him, which sealed the deal for my obsession.

Christmas time in hippieville

In just two short days Jose, Fred, and I will make the hellish 12 hour trek to Michigan so we can celebrate the holidays by binge drinking with our family and high school friends, and playing in the snow and shit.

Since we already have about fifty tons of presents and various other luggage related items to pack into the back of my Scion with our 100 pound baby dog, we opted to exchange our gifts for each other ahead of time so we didn't need to pack them up just to bring them back after Christmas. And also we just love the holiday so it is fun to celebrate twice!

So we had our own little Christmas last Friday. And it was pretty damn great.

The evening started as any celebration must, with cocktails. White Russians to be exact.

We got the Christmas carols jamming on the iPod, then proceeded to make a great dinner, open gifts and stockings, bake four dozen cookies, eat way too many cookies, and then pass out in cookie and vodka induced comas.

Don't get me wrong, I love presents. Who doesn't right? But, the older I get the less I want and need. I am at a point in my life where for the most part if I want something I go out and buy it. I am not really very materialistic these days (though I certainly was at one time) so I have come to really appreciate just little heartfelt gifts above any other type. I always tell Jose not to get me anything big and that we will instead go on a trip or something because like me, there aren't many things he needs. Every year though he ignores me and buys me a shit ton of stuff.

The thing about Jose though is that he somehow manages to find just the perfect gifts. He is a thoughtful one that manfriend of mine. I guess I am sort of lucky.

This year like expected he got me way too much stuff, but I figured I would tell you about the thing that was the most special to me. Everything else I got will make you realize I am just a giant hippie that likes to hike and camp and I don't want to ruin my image.

But anyway, a few Valentine's days ago Jose bought me a really pretty ceramic watch. I loved it. I wore it almost every day. Until one hungover morning when I dropped the sucker on a sidewalk and it shattered that is. I took it back to the store to see if it could be repaired and it could not. For whatever reason the clerk took pity on me and even though it was damaged and over a year old she returned it and gave me store credit. So I have since been searching every store I set foot in for a watch I like to replace it. The problem is I am so damn picky and I loved that one so much so the gift card sits in my wallet and no watch has been purchased.

So this year when I opened my last gift under the tree and saw the very watch I ruined I nearly peed my pants. I was so excited. And then Jose told me the story of the new watch. Not only had he replaced the one I loved so much but he went through hell and highwater to do so. He wasn't able to find the old watch in any stores or online since they don't make it anymore. So he found a broken one on EBay, ordered it and then took it to pretty much every jewelry repair shop in American before finally finding a company that would fix the watch. He had it repaired and cleaned up and it looks good as new. And I am so amazed that a big laid back guy like Jose took the time and thought to do that for me.

I think that is my favorite part of the holidays, just the way little things like the perfect gift, a song you love, the taste of a cookie, or the glow of a Christmas tree can just make you feel like all is right with the world. Ohh and all the holiday cocktails, I love those a lot too.

This is how I found Fred Friday night....

Traditions

You all know I am quite the traditional little lady...

Psych.

I do however love the shit out of traditions especially when they happen around the holidays. They just give me the warm and fuzzies.

Between my family and friends I have quite a few that go down without fail every year. Most of them revolve around drinking, but not quite all.

Here are a few of my favorites:

-In college I lived with seven other girls. That's a shit ton of estrogen under one roof but I loved every minute of it. Seven of us are still the best of friends and ever since college we have been exchanging ornaments in lieu of regular gifts. It is a special reason to get together every year and also a lot cheaper than buying six gifts :)

-One Christmas eve many years ago, my dad called me in a panic because he had accidentally gotten hammered with his brother and neglected to buy my mom any gifts. Being the wonderful daughter I am, I rushed to his rescue and took him to the mall. He brought a flask and continued taking pulls in every department store. I accidentally got drunk while we were shopping. Instead of learning from his mistake we decided to go drunk shopping every year since. We don't do it on Christmas eve anymore but each year it involves less and less shopping and more and more drinking, and it's pretty great.

could I look like more of a creep? Also note my mom is flipping the bird.

-One of my newer traditions was started just last year. I guess it's not really that new because my mom and I have had an elf party for a few years now, but last year we bumped it up a few hours and started a Christmas Brunch. It is awesome because it incorporates day drinking and me being able to see a ton of my friends while I am home for the holidays. I invite everyone that I miss and my mom and I make a bunch of food. We drink mimosas and bloodys and have a holly jolly good time.

-Ok, so I will not lie, I am not a church goer. More power to ya if you are one, but this girl does not set foot in church with the exception of weddings, funerals, and on Christmas. I love going to church on Christmas because it makes my mom happy and I friggen love Christmas music.

-On Christmas eve ever since I moved out of state my family, Jose's family, and a few of our more hardcore friends have gone bar hopping during the day on Christmas eve. This tradition started as a spin off of my dad and my shopping shennanigans because my mom got jealous we were day drinking without her. So we started inviting her, but obviously we can't buy her gifts with her around so we had to move that tradition to a different day. We always lie to her and say we were "just shopping" but I am a pretty shitty liar, especially when I'm drunk so I think she is on to us.

-The last tradition I will mention is my friend's annual Cousin Eddy party. You know, like Cousin Eddy from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, yea that guy. So a very long time ago, before I was even his friend, my buddy Andrew (who loves Christmas more than anyone else on the planet) and his pals started having an annual party named the Cousin Eddy party. It started small, always at someone's house and all in attendance got dressed up in their craziest Christmas gear and drank like holiday fishes. A few years ago it got larger and a few of my girlfriends took over the annual planning, now it is always at a bar but it is still just as rowdy. And it's so much fun every year.

What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Squash soup

Since I am obsessed with trying to model my life after my pinterest boards, it made sense that I needed to make butternut squash soup. Keep in mind I had never tasted such a soup, nor did I have any reason to believe I would enjoy it, but pinterest said so, and I made it.

And guess what, it was fu*king awesome. Like blew my shoes off good.

I adapted a recipe from the Whole Foods website, which I tend to do a lot, because they usually post some winners.

Even manfriend liked this one, and it is hard to get him on board with my meatless dinners. Not that that stops me from making them, but I do enjoy when he is happy from time to time.

So here you go kids:

You Will Need:

1 Butternut squash (shocker I know)
1/2 of a Large white onion
3 cloves of garlic
1/2 of a Jalapeno pepper (or a whole one if you are feelin' fiesty)
Salt
Pepper
1 Granny smith apple
4 cups Veggie broth
1 cup half and half (I used fat free)
A dab of butter

Directions:

-Chop up your onion and jalapeno and begin sauteing it in a little butter in a soup pot. While it is cooking start working on your squash. (Cutting that bitch up was the only difficult part of this soup). Chop it so that you remove all the seeds and skin and it is in small chunks. Add it to the pot and stir.

-Peel and chop the apple and add that to the pot as well. Saute a few minutes then add in chopped garlic. Next add in the veggie broth and simmer for thirty minutes.

-Check to be sure the squash is tender, if it is use a stick blender and blend it all up. Add in the half and half and blend as well. Season with salt and pepper. (If you don't have a stick blender, just cool the soup and use a regular blender to mix the soup in batches.)

Its friggen good guys.

Uncle Kenny Strikes again

The sass man is back again.

I got a call from Uncle Kenny the other day. He proceeded to bitch about the Michigan weather and the fact that there is too much salt on the roads and then talked a massive amount of shit about my aunt. He told me how she has been a nerd her whole life and he had a nightmare about her. It was a lovely convo really but what had me concerned was when he told me he had just gotten off the phone with my boyfriend because they had some things to discuss.

The suspense was too much so I called Jose before it killed me. He went on to tell me about the three items Kenny addressed during their 45 minute call. Kenny likes Jose way more than he likes me, and always thanks Jose when I buy him anything...it's great.

this photo melts my heart more than any other photo in the world.

-First on Kenny's agenda was asking Jose if I had mailed his Christmas card yet. Kenny does not fu*k around when it comes to greeting cards. If you miss Christmas, his birthday, Halloween, or any holiday at all you are instantly added to his shit list. Jose assured Kenny that he had seem me take a large stack of cards out to the mail box and that he was sure there was one addressed to him. (Keep in mind this convo went down on December 10, so there were over two weeks left before the big day). Kenny said the mailman had probably lost his card. Jose told him to wait a few days and see if the card comes. Kenny asked again, are you sure Erin sent one? Jose said yes and Kenny proceeded to ask Jose if he wanted him to sign our names to one of the blank cards he has left over in case I did in fact forget to send one.

-Next was Kenny complaining about all the hype surrounding the recent History Chanel movie Bonnie and Clyde. Kenny bitched about how all the media had hyped the movie up and when he watched it he hated it. "A two year old could have written that movie," he said. "Do not tell Erin though, because I know she just loves crap like that. I'm not watching the second part though." He was right, I liked it a lot.

-Lastly, Kenny asked Jose if he remembered when he took Kenny and I to that "fancy restaurant with all the Christmas lights"? It's actually a brewery located in a town where they put on a badass Christmas light display and I am fairly certain I paid for dinner but Jose said that yes he remembered the place. Kenny went on to say, "Well, I think Erin's mom would really like it, so I was thinking you should take me, Erin and her parents out to eat there." Keep in mind Kenny has money just like the rest of us, but moths fly out anytime he opens his wallet. Truth be told we will probably do exactly what he asked and take everyone to eat there because we love his crazy ass so much. That is assuming his card does not get lost in the mail and I am not on the naughty list.