Uncle Kenny Strikes again

The sass man is back again.

I got a call from Uncle Kenny the other day. He proceeded to bitch about the Michigan weather and the fact that there is too much salt on the roads and then talked a massive amount of shit about my aunt. He told me how she has been a nerd her whole life and he had a nightmare about her. It was a lovely convo really but what had me concerned was when he told me he had just gotten off the phone with my boyfriend because they had some things to discuss.

The suspense was too much so I called Jose before it killed me. He went on to tell me about the three items Kenny addressed during their 45 minute call. Kenny likes Jose way more than he likes me, and always thanks Jose when I buy him anything...it's great.

this photo melts my heart more than any other photo in the world.

-First on Kenny's agenda was asking Jose if I had mailed his Christmas card yet. Kenny does not fu*k around when it comes to greeting cards. If you miss Christmas, his birthday, Halloween, or any holiday at all you are instantly added to his shit list. Jose assured Kenny that he had seem me take a large stack of cards out to the mail box and that he was sure there was one addressed to him. (Keep in mind this convo went down on December 10, so there were over two weeks left before the big day). Kenny said the mailman had probably lost his card. Jose told him to wait a few days and see if the card comes. Kenny asked again, are you sure Erin sent one? Jose said yes and Kenny proceeded to ask Jose if he wanted him to sign our names to one of the blank cards he has left over in case I did in fact forget to send one.

-Next was Kenny complaining about all the hype surrounding the recent History Chanel movie Bonnie and Clyde. Kenny bitched about how all the media had hyped the movie up and when he watched it he hated it. "A two year old could have written that movie," he said. "Do not tell Erin though, because I know she just loves crap like that. I'm not watching the second part though." He was right, I liked it a lot.

-Lastly, Kenny asked Jose if he remembered when he took Kenny and I to that "fancy restaurant with all the Christmas lights"? It's actually a brewery located in a town where they put on a badass Christmas light display and I am fairly certain I paid for dinner but Jose said that yes he remembered the place. Kenny went on to say, "Well, I think Erin's mom would really like it, so I was thinking you should take me, Erin and her parents out to eat there." Keep in mind Kenny has money just like the rest of us, but moths fly out anytime he opens his wallet. Truth be told we will probably do exactly what he asked and take everyone to eat there because we love his crazy ass so much. That is assuming his card does not get lost in the mail and I am not on the naughty list.