I've become even more ridiculous

With Fred that is. It's really getting out of hand guys. He bosses me around to no end, and at this point I think the damage is done and my dog now entirely rules the roost.

He refuses to share the couch with Jose and I. Literally the second one of us gets up he takes our spot and will not move. I have been watching a whole lot of baseball from the floor lately.

He yells at me when I try to wake him up. Every damn morning, I try to sweetly coax him awake and he slaps me with his paw and makes a super irritated noise.

He will no longer eat treats off the floor. I dropped one of his mini t-bones the other morning and he stared at me until I picked it up and placed it gingerly in his mouth.

He expects to go everywhere. This one is truly my own fault. I think I watched too many episodes of "The Simple Life" as a kid, because I really like the idea of carrying my dog around in a Louis Vuitton dog carrier...unfortunately my dog clocks in at 100lbs, so the carrier is out, but I still bring him everywhere I go. Anytime I am getting ready to leave the house, Fred stands by the door giving me the stink eye to make sure he gets to come. I bring him to the farmer's market, street fairs, pet stores, you name it...he is there. He is not particularly good on a leash and absolutely walks me, but I guess it is what it is.

I really realized things were getting bad as I sat in the Burger King drive through the other night. Now, as I have mentioned about 1,000 times on this little blog, I have become one of those assholes I used to despise as of late...the type of person who only eats healthy food and does it because that is what they like not because they are on a diet (the shame!)...yet I still find myself buying fast food at least one a week...FOR MY DOG. I know, it is pathetic. It was bad enough when I was getting burgers for me and the boyfriend and I would grab Fred a little snack too, but now I am making special trips. It has got to stop.

The other day, Fred really showed us who was boss when he took it upon himself to shit on the floor in Petco. Fred has never been one to have an accident, not even as a pup. I have no idea what got into him, but I can only imagine he was just trying to teach Jose and I a lesson. Apparently as we were about to check out he noticed there were not nearly enough treats in the shopping cart so he made a bold statement right in front of the cashier...needless to say he got a bully stick after that, we felt so bad for not taking him out, we had to spoil him.

Lastly, Fred has deemed it unacceptable for me to practice yoga in his house. My one true love aside from Fred and red wine is yoga. The other day, I thought I would practice some poses in my living room. That went on for about 2 minutes before Fred started barking and growling at me and then proceeded to sit on my back mid plow. Keep in mind...100 pound dog. I guess I will have to wait until he is out of the house to practice from now on.

You should note, that these are indeed professional photos taken of Fred. You see, I have always assumed he was the best looking dog in America, but my assumptions were confirmed when I was recently contacted by a photographer who attended one of my work events. She had never met me, nor Fred, but said she had taken some pictures at the event and wanted to share them. I was pleased to see that at least ten of her fifty images were of my dog! Now there were many other dogs at the event, not a single on caught on film. You should also note, I would 100% pay for professional photos to be taken of Fred...this was just plain luck.

Whatever, he is cute and I will never have to pay his college tuition so I guess he can poop in public all he wants.