it's Friday bitches...

1. I spent a shitload of time at the dog park this week. What can I say, I'm a good mom. Fred made a new pal in this cute little boxer.

2. Wednesday night I did in fact have frozen yogurt for dinner. I went with the fat kid delight and that bowl you see contains not 1, not 2, but 4 flavors of fro yo as well as kiwi, strawberry, and chocolate chips. The winning flavors were peach and watermelon. I have wanted more since the second I polished that puppy off. Don't you dare judge me either, because by Wednesday night I had taken 4 yoga classes, so I didn't even feel too guilty about my diabetes dinner.

3. If you haven't been following #shitunclekennysays on Twitter, bitch you cray cray. He arrived on Wednesday night and has been making me laugh ever since. I am posting all his comments on my twitter, and trust me there are some doozies.

4. I took Thursday off work to hang out with Sir Kenny. It was nothing short of fabulous. We went shoe shopping, antiquing, out to lunch, and here he is at the sculpture garden we visited. It wasn't even my idea to go to an art museum, he asked to go...shopping and art museums are up there with drinking on my favorite things to do list so Kenny's activity choices made me real happy. I really love going to museums with Kenny. It is amazing how he appreciates and interprets things. Sorry I am a museum geek.

5. After our great day, I made a nice dinner for Kenny, manfriend, my buddy Mandy, and I . Right before dinner we got a pretty wild thunderstorm leaving everything a muddy mess. We finished dinner and multiple glasses of wine and magically our friend Natasha, who drives a pickup, showed up. A drunk Mandy decided mud wrestling was the best way to cap off the evening. A drunk me agreed. So that is what we did, we hopped in said truck and went to the nearest soccer field. We slipped and slided, and flung mud at each other. It was nearly as fun as it was disgusting. Kenny wanted no part of this shit, but he did watch and judge us from the parking lot. When enough was finally enough we climbed into the back of the truck and rode home, stopping at my apartment complex car wash station to hose each other off.

In case you wanted to know what manfriend looks like in blackface, here you go:

and here is a little song for you. It totally fits this post because it has the word peach in it (my favorite yogurt was the peach) and it talks about being in the dirt...maybe this is a stretch, but who doesn't like this song?? The answer: no one...that's who.

The Party Don't Start Till He Walk In

He being Uncle Kenny.

So as you know if you read my blog yesterday, my Uncle Kenny is here visiting. Among other things, Kenny is a bit of a party animal, or at least he is when he gets around his favorite niece (that's me).

Like any responsible adult might, when my Uncle comes to visit I like to take him around to the local watering holes. I am really teaching him to be quite the drinker in his old age.

Back in high school my sister and I used to have Uncle Kenny buy us Malibu rum when my parent's were out of town. In hindsight that was a pretty dick move on our parts since he didn't know any better than to do what we asked, but on the other hand he never ever gave us our change so I say it was a win win.

Here is Kenny passed out on my couch after a wild night and 1am McDonalds run during his last visit.

We took Kenny to the local Tiki Bar the first time he came to visit. That drink he is slurping down with a quickness is an orange crush. They are dangerously strong. I am legitimately tanked after two of them. Unbeknownst to me and manfriend, Kenny kept sneaking up to the bar and ordering more. The lush had four of them! He then decided he wanted to dance and moved up near the stage, kicked off his sandals and hit someone dancing nearby. 

When my mom and Uncle Kenny came out to Maryland last summer, Kenny really let loose. 

Manfriend and I treated Kenny to a classy lunch at Hooters last time we were home in Michigan.

Kenny rocking out to a band at a local bar when I was in Michigan in April.

Just being thuggish, ruggish, we can't help it really. 

There is a good chance Kenny and I are day drinking right this very minute.

Stay tuned to instagrizzy for photo updates of our adventures.

Uncle Freakin Kenny!

So I wrote an entire post about my amazing Uncle Kenny here, but I am going to do it again because guess what???

It's my party and I'll do what I want to, and also he is flying in to visit manfriend and I tonight! And we are freaking excited.

We will be scooping his crazy ass up from the airport around 7:30 pm and the adventure will begin.

In case you missed my last Kenny post, here are a few quick facts about my favorite person:

-Kenny is my mom's brother.

-Kenny is cooler than you and I.

-When he was born, the oxygen was cut off to Kenny's brain causing him to be a little different than most of us. He has never been formally diagnosed with any disability and he gets by really well with a little help from his family.

-Kenny is blunt. He will tell you exactly what he is thinking at any given moment, and doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks. I admire this so much.

-Kenny appreciates the little things in life. He is happy as can be if his day consists just of going out for lunch. I wish I could learn to be content with a simple day like he is.

-He is also up for an adventure, and expects to be catered too. The next few days should be interesting.

While he is visiting we are going to throw him a BBQ, take him to the beach, spend some time at the pool, do a little shopping, hit some bars, and spend a day in DC. Kenny loves the shit out of politics. He thinks Obama Bidden is one person and only likes Hillary Clinton.

You can expect another post about Sir Kenny tomorrow.

It's what's for dinner

So I know no one asked my crazy ass to share recipes, but in addition to binge drinking and spending more money than I make, I am pretty good at cooking. Here is a quick step by step for the super easy eggplant roll ups I made the other night. They are almost as good as fruit roll ups and probably a little healthier.

Eggplant roll ups

texts from last patriot act

I have been hearing a lot about this Patriot Act cell phone mumbo jumbo lately. 

I gotta say, I really hope someone starts listening to my phone calls and reading my texts. I know if they do, it will only be a matter of minutes before the government has me committed. And lord knows that would be better for society.

Think about it for a minute. If someone were to read your texts, or listen to your convos what would they think of you??

I know for damn sure I would make a ridiculous impression.

I can only imagine what the poor government spy (or whatever they would call them) that got assigned to my case would think of me.....

Dinner at my place

So I obviously love a good party. Any kind really. I even get jazzed up for a good work potluck.

Like real jazzed up.

I also happen to be in love with dinner parties. Particularly hosting them.

I personally think the dinner party is totally underrated. They are amazing, and an excellent way to have some fun on a week night without feeling like total death the next morning.

I attended/hosted two this week.

The first was Monday when I met a group of several friends at a local pub for wing night. I had a Miller Lite for dinner and it was to die for. I guess this isn't really a dinner party per se...more like going to the bar on a Monday night, but whatever.

Going out to dindin with a group of good friends is about as fun as it gets. Unless all your friends are real wasted and can't figure out how to split a tab and make you do the math, I hate math.

Perhaps even better than a dinner out on the town is having the ones you love over for what I like to call Family Dinner Night. My family lives a zillion miles away these days so I make all my friends call themselves my family. They like it because I feed them.

I love having my friends over for a good meal and some drinks, I love it so much. It is fun trying out new recipes and if you are broke or lazy make spaghetti. You can  literally feed about 38 people for seven dollars so you can't beat it.

Wednesday night I made a big anti pasta salad and brushetta. It was a hit and the weather was gorgeous so we were able to eat outside...always a plus.

I really need a bigger place though because I want to start giving my little dinners a theme. I am itching to have a Mad Men theme dinner...I am pretty sure my friends will stop coming when I start adding themes, but we shall see.

We may or may not have busted out into this song at this weeks family dinner.

drinking responsibly

The name of this blog is a pretty good indicator that I enjoy a drink here or there.  And by here or there I mean I like to get black out drunk at least once a week.  It used to be a lot more so you can see I have really matured in my old age.

In addition to having an affinity for the drink however, I also really enjoy being healthy. I began juicing recently, I also run and do a shit load of yoga. Sadly, many signs point to the fact that booze is high in calories.

The "make you fat" aspect is really the only downside I see to drinking. I don't even mind a hangover because to be honest I am super witty when I am hungover. It's uncanny, I'm not even kidding.

So how does one cope??

Ten years in the business has given me a few tried and true ways to minimize calorie intake while still catching a nice buzz.

You're welcome.

1. Skip dinner. You will find that special place much sooner if you drink your supper.

2. Stick to hard liquor. Beer has a lot of calories. A quick shot of jack will pack much more of a punch and probably has less calories. I have never really looked it up because I usually find looking up calories depressing.

3. Avoid fruity shots and drinks. They are full of calories, plus that shit is nasty. Unless it is a mojito...then it is delicious, and calorie free.

4. Develop drunk bulimia. No need to count calories if you drink enough to throw it all up. You don't even need to skip dinner if you take the approach....I'm kidding, kind of.

5. Drink enough so you are so hungover you don't want to eat the next day. This has never happened for me. I typically eat like a sumo wrestler whilst hungover, but maybe you are different.

6. Dance your ass off when drunk. It burns calories.

7. Drink organic wine and vodka. It costs more and is probably just as bad for you, so I always go for the Rain Vodka.

8. Lastly, the hardest way: limit yourself to one or two drinks on week nights....sadly I have had to do this. I usually don't drink at all during the week and go bonkers on the weekends, but I am only human sometimes I need a glass of wine on a Tuesday.

Cheers!