I haven't purchased a magazine since at least 2009, so I really can't figure out what is going on. I am sure I will get a big old bill here any day now, but for the meantime I have been trying to read the ones that suck the least.
US Weekly is the one I am getting the most of and it is too bad because it is really not one I can get into to. I wish they would send me Rolling Stone or Runner's World, or shit even Maxum would be better in my book. I am learning all about the celeb gossip which is something I tend to be behind on usually, so I guess it is a good thing. Lord knows it is important to know who was out eating ice cream in Hollywood with their kids and where Jessica Alba is vacationing.
One of the stories I read during the commercials of Breaking Bad last night was all about Lamar (Khloe Kardashian's husband if you are not with the program like me) being arrested for DUI.
I just don't get it. Why do rich ass celebrities drink and drive? Are they crazy? I spent some time thinking about it and have come up with several alternatives to drunk driving for the rich and the famous.
-A helicopter. If you have the bank roll for it, why not leave the club in true baller style??
-A rickshaw. I have never been a passenger in one of these bad lads, but I can only imagine it would be pretty damn fun if you were all liquored up.
-An elephant. Imagine how much ass you could get for showing up to the bar with a cutie pie elephant? Girls love animals, it could totally work for you.
-A camel. If the elephant supply is low in Hollywood, get a camel! It is almost as cool and you can get it to spit on anyone who pissed you off that night.
-Your mom. If you are a celeb, chances are you have purchased a mansion for you parents. I would bet my bottom dollar you mom would come pick your drunk ass up just because she loves you, but even more because you bought her a house.
-A limo. Being drunk in a limo is way fun. Just think about what a blast you had at prom. So rent one, you can afford it.
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-One of your fans. Send out a tweet asking for a DD and I guaran-damn-tee one of your admirers will come scoop you up and want nothing more in return than an autograph.
-A friend. Don't you have any sober friends? Ok well me either, but still.
-A cab. This is the option I prefer. If you drink to much take a damn taxi! Simple as that. I do it on a regular basis and I am not even close to rich.
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18 comments:
celebrities are stupid for the most part; they either do dumb shit like this or take drugs and die. what's the point of all of that when they worked so hard to get to where they are?
anyway, i would definitely take a llama. they are meaner than camels and i would train it to not only spit at people but also dish out a big ol' donkey kick right in their asses!!
-kathy
Vodka and Soda
A fan!! That is the most genius thing I've heard!!! So true though. Celebs need to get on that! I've never been drunk in a limo. I get the feeling I'm missing out...
really... there are so many other options. and lamar has so much money- it's just so DUMB
"your mom".. i almost spit out my coffee lol thats great
Lol I didn't even buy my parents a house, my mom would still come get me if I called!
It really makes no sense - if I got rich, the first thing I'd do is higher a driver. Duh!
the smart ones hire a driver.
haha i love the idea of tweeting for a fan to be the DD. that is brilliant!
I DONT GET IT EITHER. I get terrified to drive home after having drinks with dinner! If I had the cash I'd be in a stretch limo every night. Or the camel option, but I'd fall off that thing in a heartbeat
LOL. I needed a good laugh this morning. I can always count on you! hahaha love this!!!
Well said- these folks are rich. It can't be that hard to have a driver or get a cab in LA, right?!
Um, my mom totally picks us up when we're back in TN. Her and my dad picked my bros up on NYE a few years ago & she brought plastic grocery bags in case they were going to barf- hahaha
I'm in the same unsolicited magazine boat.
It started with "Shape" and I thought maybe the boyfriend was trying to tell me something.
Then I started getting W Magazine which is twice as big as a normal magazine, but with the same content of skeleton-models. Then the issue of Vogue the size of a GD phonebook.
I have yet to do more than flip through one of them. They're sitting in a huge pile in my office. You know, in case I have some sweet ransom letters to cut and paste. I have more than enough surplus stock now!
I sure don't get why celebrities drink and drive. I mean they have the paparazzi tailing them all the time so it is just is stupid to do that!
Girl you crack me up every time! I would choose the elephant or a horse. The horse would be awesome! Lamar also supposed was sleeping around too, dude you are watched like a hawk you are going to get caught!! Celebs are just stupid!
Agreed! I take a taxi to and from the bar and we are nowhere close to baller status. We just prefer clean records, ya know?
I with you. So stupid, especially when you have gazillions of dollars to pay someone to drive you around or to come pick you up and figure out how to get your car home.
Also, I love Maxim. We used to steal them out of the mailbox of the guys who lived below us in college, read it, and then put it back. They could never figure out why it took so long for them to get it every month.
Very good point! I would never drive if I had that kind of cash. Especially after drinking. It's so much more fun when you don't have to worry about getting home!
Lol all good points here... I especially like the Twitter suggestion. I would totally go pick up some celebrity's drunk ass, if for no other reason than the pure entertainment.
You best believe I'd be rollin out da club in muh helicopta.
ummm the camel idea? brilliant. JUST BRILLIANT.
celebrities drunk driving. NOT BRILLIANT.
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