the assholes you meet at the gym

So in an effort to get a little smaller, I have been spending a shit load of time at the gym. I usually go to a minimum of 5 classes a week and sometimes as many as seven, as a result I am meeting a whole lot of other gym rats.

Now let me clear one thing up real quick before anyone goes getting all mad and thinking I am making generalizations; I am only talking about the assholes you meet in classes at the gym. I have never and probably will never work out in the lion's den that is the actual gym. No thank you. I run outside (not on treadmills in stinky rooms) and I take classes. So this post is based on my experiences in the locker room and classroom exclusively.

-The woman who is totally unprepared for class. This woman is probably middle aged, often Asian, always crazy. I met one last week in zumba who arrived in khaki capris and clog tennis shoes. I hadn't seen those shoes since the 90s, and certainly never in a gym. The worst part is this woman is usually in better shape than you.

-The woman who doesn't own a sports bra. I met a large middle-aged black woman named Janine last week, who I am not sure had any bra on at all. I saw much more than I bargained for in that class let me tell ya.

-The slut. This girl finds it necessary to show off her goods by wearing only a pair of booty shorts and a sports bra. I typically wear a pant and have yet to over heat. I mean I get you are working out and all, but aren't you cold??

-The suck up. She is always in the front row and seems to be besties with all the teachers. She probably has a banging body so you hate her a little bit.

-The weird breather in yoga. This one is typically an older man who wears dangerously short shorts. His breathing is sexual and makes you incredibly uncomfortable.

-The buff old lady. This one bitch I take Pilates with is at least 65 and has the body of Jennifer Anniston. I don't get it, she makes me feel so out of shape it's not even funny. You should see her.

-The beauty. She works out all hour long and finishes the class with not so much as a hair out of place. She does not look like a red faced hippo like I do after finishing some cardio.

-The beast. She could kill you with her bare hands. She can bench like 88 times her body weight and has a barbed wire tattoo around her bicep. Do not take her spot in class.

-The nudist. She is old, she is saggy, and she loves to get naked. She walks around the locker room like she owns the place while her boobs flop in the breeze. It is almost as awkward as the heavy breather.

What type of gym rat are you?