I'm starting to loose it a little

So I live in the middle of nowhere.

I mean it. Like I pass cows and horses and shit on my way to work. There are less people in my town then I think went to my high school.

It's quite the change of pace for someone who started hanging out at seedy bars in Detroit when they were 17.

I try to make the best out of life always. And for the most part I am a really happy camper.

But some days being stuck in the country really gets to me.

I should note, I know I am not really "stuck" I could pack up and move at anytime to any where, but I won't do that until I find the right job or reason. My life is here right now and that is ok, but I am still going to bitch about it.

I can't stand the lack of good food. Ya'll know I love to eat. Like a lot. We have the poorest excuse for restaurants in my neck of the woods. All chains. I am a chain snob and hate eating in them, but that is essentially all we have so I find myself eating at the same few mediocre non-chains because it is my only option.

You wold probably recommend I just cook at home instead of settling for crappy restaurants, but you should also note how much our grocery stores suck. They suck bad. It is shocking to me because there are farms everywhere!! Where does the food go?? In the summer I can hit up the farmer's markets, but even those only offer a few of the veggies my little hippie diet needs. You would not beleive how excited I get when I see a Trader Joes or Whole Foods...it's a little sad actually. It's a hard knock life for a chow hound in the sticks.

We have the world's worst movie theatre. I love to go to the movies. No kidding back in Michigan I probably went every other week. Not here. No way Jose, the theatre we have is downright disgusting and only has four screens. Two of those screens always have kid's movies playing so most of the films I want to see are never even an option. And any kind of an art film, you must be kidding! That would never happen. Back in Detroit I can think of about three theatres that exclusively played art/foreign films within 20 minutes of each other.

Shopping is another hard pill to swallow. I am not even a huge shopper, but there are many occasions where I find myself really needing a mall or some little cute shops. Case in point, I needed a suit for a work conference recently. Well the "local" mall is an hour and five minutes away from my house. That's right folks 65 minutes. That's a whole lot if you ask me. So I had to buy a suit at J.C. Penny. Nothing wrong with JCP, I just would have really liked to have been able to choose from more than two middle aged mom suits. This is always an issue when I find myself needing a gift for someone. I like to give thoughtful gifts. Think handmade jewelry, art, unique food items, stuff like that. Well they don't carry that shit at Kohl's and Walmart so I find myself out of luck unless I want to make the 1.5 hour trek into DC. I know I can shop online, but it is not the same for me. I like to go into a store and interact with someone, it's fun to me. I find myself settling a lot for the things I buy, and I don't like it.

I feel like I am constantly in my car too, since I miss the city so much manfriend and I take about 45924 trips a year. Anytime we need to do any shopping or anything it is always a really long drive and even when we aren't racking up the miles on my little Scion with getaways we do a lot of day trips just to stay sane. What I wouldn't give to just stay put once in awhile and walk around my own town getting great food and shopping and whatnot.

Lastly, we have shit in the way of bars. I am a bar star. So are my parents and they are in their late 50s so I don't see this changing anytime soon. I meet a lot of people that say they love to just stay in on the weekends and maybe have a drink with their neighbors. Well, not me. Come Friday night all I want to do is plop my happy ass down on a bar stool and make a fool of myself while spending all my money. It's what I do. And we have approximately zero good bars. We had one great little dive and it shut down. Don't even think we have any trendy martini bars or anything like that, no sir. I would honestly be content with a few good hole in the walls, and even that isn't an option. We have a Buffalo Wild Wings. Gag.

Sorry to be a little on the depressing side today kids, I just felt like spilling the beans a little. I am going to keep on making the best of things though, and when I can't I'll just get drunk instead...but not at a bar.

Some of the weirder shit about me

I know you probably thought I was perfect, but I actually am sort of an odd duck.

-I occasionally have a trouble telling time. And by occasionally I mean usually.

-I don't like to eat with my hands. I cut everything up even sandwiches.

-I really like to people watch. I have no shame about it and just stare sometimes which I know is downright creepy.

-I spend money like a Kardashian most of the time, but there are some odd things I am a real cheap ass about: parking, cell phone cases, picture frames, shit like that. I don't really get it.

-Sometimes I miss Fred while I'm at work and I look at pictures of him on my phone.

-I close out apps on my phone compulsively.

-I get anxiety when I drive in construction zones.

-I have to have my shoes tied equally tight on both feet and cannot stand to wear two different socks. Or if one sock is more stretched out than the other. Truth be told I really don't like anything on my feet but flip flops, but sometimes this isn't an option.

-I have to clean while I cook or I will just loose it.

-I hug a pillow at night when I sleep.

-I like to soft bite Fred's ear. I don't know why I am choosing to share this with the Internet but what the hell. I put his soft little ear in my mouth and I bite it sometimes. With my lips not my teeth don't worry, that dog is anything but abused.

-Manfriend on the other hand is abused. I like to pull his arm hair sometimes because I think it's funny.

I am going to stop now before I show any More of my true colors.

Life lately...

...has been pretty darn good.

Pretty darn good indeed. I hope your's has been too.

Just last week Maryland got hit by snowmageddon, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. It caught me by surprise, as I have not seen a lick of snow or cold temps in the three years I have been here until now. As a former Michigander I am pretty tough when it comes to cold and snow but the state of Maryland is not.

The whole state went into a tizzy when we got a few inches and I for one am glad. Glad because it resulted in me getting a day and a half off work. That's right they actually sent us home at 11am last week when it started to snow. That is unheard of in Michigan.

I decided there was only one thing to do when I learned everyone I knew was being sent home and that was to have an adult snow day. So we did. We ate chili, drank bloody Marys, and played darts.

It was so much fun in fact I passed out at 9pm.

 

Only working 2.5 days last week what with the snow days and MLK day was pretty swell. I think I could really get on board with only working 2.5 days every week truth be told. When last weekend rolled around I wasn't even burned out from work for a change.

 

Manfriend and I stayed in on Friday night and watched a bunch of movies. It was nice. Saturday I went to good old spin class then came home and got on my movie watching clothes and we drove the 55 minutes to the movie theater. Yes, I live 55 minutes from civilization, it's great.

 

We thought we left plenty of time to go out for lunch before the movie started but traffic got the best of us and we arrived at the theatre with only 15 minutes to spare. So we did what any reasonable people would do and went across the street to the mall food court. We order two gyros which I stuffed into my purse, a water and a Dr. Pepper went into my coat pockets and into the movies we went.

 

Look how inconspicuous I am. You can't even tell I have two meals in that bag.

 

And to my delight when we walked into the theater, I learned that the movies now offer recliners. If you have never enjoyed a movie from a recliner you are really missing out. It was fantastic.

 

Speaking of fantastic we saw American Hustle. It was honestly amazing and you should go see it right now. Especially if you don't live and hour from the movies like I do.

 

 

That night we decided bowling was a great idea, so two of our friends joined us at the local alley. We had a few beers and bowled and then it was decided we should go across the street to the bar, because one of our friends had never been.

 

Right away the Fireball began flowing and that is never good. I danced with a few strangers, threw darts that all hit the wall, and that is about all I recall.

 

I have been blessed in the recent past with no hangovers. It has been upwards of six months since the hangover gods have graced me with a visit. That is until this weekend.

 

I woke up Sunday morning feeling like death warmed over. In fact all four of us were in terrible shape.

 

I stayed in bed until 2pm only getting up to toss my cookies a few times, and take four showers. I really like to shower when I'm suffering from a hangover.

 

Lucky for us, Fred was being an absolute delight and let manfriend and I be complete wastes of space all day. I finally began to feel normal again around 4pm. I am hoping that was my last hangover for a while because I am really too old for that shit. I just don't like it. I am not drinking again until Saturday and that is a promise guys.

 

How have things been in your neck of the woods??

Lessons learned from Fred the dog.

I think we can all learn a thing or two from dogs. Here are a few of the things I have.

To love no matter what. Sometimes Fred has to stay home alone for a long ass time while I go to work and the gym and Target and whatnot. And guess what, he still loves me like crazy.

To get sooo excited to see people. Fred literally knocks me over most days when I get home, his tail is wagging so fast that his whole butt shakes, not only is it adorable, but it reminds me we should all be so happy to see the ones we love.

To not sweat the small stuff. I often can't sleep (especially on nights I don't go to yoga) because I am thinking a million thoughts. Not Fred though, that little guy passes out the second he hits a couch or bed. He relaxes like we all should. I am working on this one hence the yoga.

To have so much damn fun. Fred gets so friggen excited when you pull out a Frisbee or his ball it is unreal. He freaks the freak out when you say the words dog park or walk and the beach, my god the beach. I try to have this approach in life too, why not get excited about stuff...yolo right?

To not count calories. Fred ate a yoga mat just the other day, and he didn't even think about checking the back to see how many grams of fat! I typically don't worry too much about calories either. For the most part, I eat what I want. I tried doing the whole My Fitness Pal app thing but I kept getting chocolate smears on my iPhone and figured it wasn't really worth it. I will just run around like a maniac more as Fred does to burn the calories.

To have no shame. Fred likes to lay down spread eagle showing off all the goodies on the regular. And you know what, I applaud him for it. Be proud of yourself and don't be shy. What has being shy ever gotten anyone?

To get other people to do shit for you. Mainly manfriend. Fred has a real knack for getting people to hold his bone for him so he can get better leverage for chewing it without said person even noticing until there hand is about to fall off from holding a damn bone. I like to slyly convince manfriend to do chores for me without him realizing too. We all need a minion in life.

To get massages. If Fred wants his ass scratched he just puts it in your face until you have scratched it to his hearts content. I too appreciate a good massage and convince my mom to buy me one every time I see her.

To show affection. Fred licks my face about 34256 times a day and he sits on my lap to show he cares. I like to hug the shit out of people because they need to know. Sometimes I am real weird about it, particularly when I am drunk and I just randomly ask for hugs. Whatever, I guarantee my friends all know how much I love um.

the great spending freeze of 2014

The cat is about the leave the bag guys....

Manfriend and I spend a lot of friggen money.

On trips, and food, and coffee, and everything really.



that's a $12 frozen glass of sin right there....

I mean, I literally have some sort of a disease where I can't stay out of Target and as a result I buy so much shit I don't need.
 

After our little jaunt to NOLA I realized we had spent a small fortune in  just three days. Like so much I don't even want to think about it or I might barf. It was worth every penny and I don't regret it one bit, but I do need to behave here for a few weeks.
 

It's just so hard because Jose and I are really good at living like rich people but according to our paychecks we are just regular people. Weird I know.

I have a trip coming up next month to Austin where I'll no doubt blow the bank and we are going to a concert in DC in just a few weeks which always runs us a boatload of money what with our drinking habbits and all, so until those things happen I am going to be making a vallient effort to not spend money.

No coffees, no dinners out, no bars (we have so much booze in our apartment we have no need to leave), no shopping, I repeat no shopping.

I have somehow convinced Mr. Spendypants to go on a spending freeze with me too. I imagine we will only last a week but we are shotting for three. Wish us luck.

 

that gator knows we're poor. He likes us anyway.
 

 

I confess...

 

-I plan a lot of fake vacations. I could tell you what it costs to fly from DC to just about anywhere in the world because I spend so much time browsing Orbitz for flights. One day I will make it to all the places on my bucket list, in the mean time I will fake travel.

-I spend a lot of time browsing Petfinder too. I just can't get over how cute dogs are (mainly pitt bulls) so I search for them on a regular basis. I also Google pictures of puppies quite frequently.

-I have a real mean streak. It doesn't come out that often but when it does it does. My boyfriend just says I'm sassy, but it may be a little worse truth be told. I get into little spats with people when I don't like their attitude and I should probably cut that shit out. But as it stands I just prefer dogs to people.

-I rarely brush my hair. It is so long, it would just take too much time. The messy waves will just have to do, I am sure it looks terrible most days but whatever.

-I have no idea how to work the thermostat in my apartment. It works to manfriends advantage because he is always hot and I am always cold, so therefor our apartment is always really chilly. I try and try but can't learn to work that damn thing.

-I spilled red nail polish all over my carpet the other day, I tried to clean it and in the end just wound up moving the ottoman so it's hidden. whoops.

Now go read more confessions at the blog Vodka and Soda, I guarantee they are funnier than mine.

because eggplants are better

As I talk about probably more than you care to hear, I am all about balance in life.

This applies particularly to my diet.

One of the things I firmly believe in is eating the things you love in moderation.

I follow this rule when I eat shit like pizza. No matter how you slice it pizza is not the healthiest option for you, it has carbs, fatty cheese, and often fatty meats on it. But it is also delicious.

I will never stop eating things i love like pizza, but when I do order it I go for a lighter version think all veggies instead of peperoni, because it still tastes amazing and cuts a lot of the calories out.

I try to eat things that only have one super heavy element to them. Like if I eat beef I pair it will all veggies, carb heavy dishes with no meat, if something has a lot of cheese I keep the meat out of it, etc..

Likewise if I am drinking copious amounts of booze I forgo snacks that day. (wise I know)

One of my favorite examples of this philosophy is my eggplant lasagna. I can even get my meat loving man friend on board with this one, because it honestly doesn't taste much different than regular old lasagna.

You will need:

-One eggplant peeled
-Jar of tomato sauce
-Garlic
-Mushrooms
-Light ricotta cheese
-Parmesan cheese

Directions:

-Pre-heat oven to 350.

-Peel your eggplant and cut it into long thin strips (they are essentially your lasagna noodles so try and cut them like that).

-Place one layer of eggplant in a square baking dish mine was 9x9.

-In a bowl combine one cup ricotta with a few cloves of garlic (I used about 4 but I am a freak), and a tablespoon of your tomato sauce.

-Add a layer of the ricotta on top of your eggplant.

-Now add a layer of sliced mushrooms and top that with a little more ricotta.

-Add another layer of eggplant and top with a cup of tomato sauce.

-Bake for 40-45 minutes or until eggplant is tender, sprinkle Parmesan cheese on the top for the last ten minutes of baking.

This dish is super rich and filling, it tastes naughty but with the use of low-fat ricotta it is actually fairly light calorie wise.