I did it!

I know this blog is usually all rainbows and unicorns, but today shit is about to get real.

I don't talk about serious business too often, because frankly ain't no one got time for that, but there is something you should all know about me: I am an addict. Or I guess WAS an addict is more accurate.

It is easy to sound like you live the perfect life in writing. I mean, if you have read my blog for any length of time you know I am just sweet as pie and could not be more of a lady, but trust me I have struggles yo.

As much as I try to live a healthy and happy life, I have not been able to kick one terrible habit. I have tried everything; cold turkey, the patch, torture, hypnotism, electric shock. You name it I tried it, but I still found myself incredibly addicted to Diet Coke.

I just love it so much. And even more I need it.

I think I have finally overcome this powerful, powerful vice though and have been Diet Coke free now for well over a week.

I am so proud of myself. I could not have done it if not for the help of my dog Fred. He has been my backbone through all the withdrawals.

I still get the craving, but I am going to try to refrain.

Except when I am drinking Jack of course. I mean I'm only human, I need Diet Coke when I drink Jack.

Lettuce Wraps Yo

I know I have no business continuing to post recipes, but I just want to be the next Food Network Star so bad I really can't help it.

I'm not even kidding. They should give me a show. I will get shit faced drunk and cook food. I have a lot of experience cooking when I'm real wasted...I've never even cut my finger either.

This right hurr is a recipe for lettuce wraps. They are fucking delicious. I'm serious.

P.S. I am sorry I don't measure anything it is just not my style. You are all smart cookies though, you'll figure it out.

Lettuce Wraps

you will need:

-Ground turkey

-Iceberg lettuce

-One can of water chestnuts

-Mushrooms (baby bellas, button, whatev)

-Red pepper flakes

-Ground Ginger

-Soy Sauce

-Garlic

instructions:

-Brown the ground turkey in a pan with a little oil.

-Chop mushrooms, water chestnuts, and garlic into small pieces. I used about a half cup of mushrooms to 4 servings of turkey, and 3 cloves of garlic.

-Add veggies to the turkey.

-Sprinkle in a generous amount of red pepper (depending on how hot you like it, I like mine super spicy) Add a few shakes of ground ginger powder (1/2 teaspoon or so to taste). Add several shakes of soy sauce (enough to coat the meat).

-While your meat is simmering (20 min or so for the flavors to blend) rinse your lettuce. Carefully take off the outer leaves of lettuce to use as your wraps.

-That's all she wrote. It super easy and they taste great. Just scoop your filling into the lettuce and wrap it up. Always wrap it up kids.

Duck, duck, goose

 If you are trying to figure out where to go for your next drunken vacation look no further than North
Carolina. Duck, NC to be exact. Jose and I spent the past few days there sharing a beach house (well mansion if you live in squalor like I do) with 4 other couples.

The house was incredible. We drank a lot, ate a lot, rode our bikes, kayaked, and mostly just hung out at the beach and in the pool and hot tub.

I have never come back from a trip feeling more relaxed.

My skin has transformed from its normal hue of Casper the ghost to normal white girl color. My back side which rarely sees the light of day is more akin to lobster skin than Caucasian but it is getting better by the minute. And don't worry, I mooned everyone multiple times during the trip so they could get a glimpse of my burn.

I kind of wish I was still at the beach right now instead of working, and by kind of I mean 100% wish. I really enjoyed drinking all day long and not changing out of my bathing suit ever.

Hope you guys had a great Fourth of July.

Happy Birthday Merica

Hey you guys, happy fourth of July.

What a great holiday it is. I think so anyway.

Not only are we celebrating some important historical shit, but we also get a few days off work to eat grilled foods, drink, and blow things up.

I seriously love fireworks, I might even like them more than eating grilled foods.

I am currently in the Outer Banks of North Carolina where manfriend and I are sharing a big ass house with some friends for a few days. We are staying right on the beach so I am sure you can imagine I am way to drunk to spell right now.

I wrote this little post up before I left town and it includes my favorite fruity summer drink recipe. I am not usually this responsible, but I have been presented with the great honor of co-hosting the Thirsty Thursday Link Up with one of the best blogs around. If you haven't read Hopelessly Ever After yet, go do that right after you make this drink. You should probably link up too...you can grab the button below.

I should let you know I almost always hate fruity drinks unless it is a mojito...mojitos are goddamn divine. So when I say this cocktail is good, take my word for it.

The Grapefruit Crush

you will need:

-Passion Fruit Flavored Vodka
-Triple Sec
-Sprite
-Fresh Squeezed Grapefruit Juice (it must be fresh trust me)

directions:

-Fill glass with ice
-add a generous helping of passion fruit vodka, you won't taste it so honestly load that shit up..
-add a shot of Triple Sec (do about 4 to 1, vodka to triple sec ratio)
-add your fresh squeezed juice (you have to squeeze it yourself don't cheat and buy it) Go with about a 1 to 3 ratio for juice to booze.
-Top it off with a splash of Sprite.
-I like to shake it in a shaker before I drink it to make sure it is all shook up. uhh huh huh.
-You will be wasted after 1 and a half I swear to god.

Here is a chart since my description is less than excellent:

And a few photos of me and my mom after one too many crushes:

Now, share your favorite drink and link up!

1. Follow Hopelessly Ever After and The Party Girl’s Guide via GFC or Bloglovin'.
2. Grab a button from below or Kristin's sidebar and put it in your post.
3. Write about your favorite alcoholic beverage.
4. Come back here and link up!!!
5. Get some new recipes or drink ideas for the weekend and make a new friend!!

Anyone interested in co-hosting next week email Kristin at: hopelessly_ever_after@yahoo.com

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holy moly

I would like to apologize in advance for this post. It is going to be mega bullshit, so feel free to stop reading right now.

I am way to excited to think of anything clever to say today so instead you are gonna get some grade A word vomit.

Jose and I are taking off for the Outer Banks this afternoon.  This will be season two of the Real World for me because we are sharing a house with a bunch of people. Most of whom we have never met. Don't worry, I'm going to drink more than the recommended amount so it won't be awkward.

I am taking a half day from work which is pretty damn exciting too. I am only working today at all because it is my boss's birthday and we are taking him to Olive Garden for lunch to celebrate. There will be cake involved too, so I wasn't about to miss that shit. I did so much Pilates last night my whole body hurts, the only logical cure is bread sticks.

On an unrelated note, I was on Facebook today (we mostly broke up but I check it now and then) and it suggested I give someone a Starbucks gift card for their birthday. Fu*k you Facebook. I will only buy Starbucks gift cards for people I want to. If you have to remind me to do it, then I don't think it is "the thought that counts". Instagram is better.

I painted my own toes last night. They look like complete shit. Literally like a four year old did them. I am going to continue paying people to do that for me from now on.

Next, I am officially one of those losers who drives around the gym parking lot 10 times looking for a close spot. In my defense it was drizzling.

Jose made Tiramisu to bring to the beach house last night, I mowed down a bunch of lady fingers dipped in coffee while he was putting it together and I didn't hate it. Go get some lady fingers, it's a cookie if you didn't know.

Also, the adorable Krystal at the blog Spunkee Belle nominated me for a Leibster award. I still don't really know what those are, and I did a post a while back when I got a nomination so I am going to cheat this time because I don't really have any more friends to nominate that haven't been already. I am going to answer her questions though.

• What is your biggest fear?
• I'm terrified of ladders, not heights just ladders. 

• If you could have a private dinner with ANY 5 people, who would it be?
• Tina Fey, Amy Pohler, Kristen Wig, Zach Galafanakis, and Alec Baldwin

• What is 1 thing you regret from your past and why?
• I have taken people for granted in the past, and regret that...I try not to do that now.

• What's your favorite holiday?
• All of them, but I guess Chiristmas.

• What is your dream job?
• I'd like to be the director of an art museum.

• If you could date any celebrity, who would it be?
• Charlie Hunan. I want to bang him pretty bad.

• What is 1 bad habit you would change?
• Diet coke.

• Chocolate or Vanilla?
• Chocolate.

• If you could eat 1 thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
• Chicken wings. 

• What is one thing your readers may not know about you?
• I'm generally pretty nice. I am sassy on the blog but I am actually not a total asshole in real life. Just sort of an asshole.

The pictures are of Duck, North Carolina, that's where I am going...I hope I meet some ducks. Mighty ones at that.

My baby

Well guys, it is a very bitter sweet day for me. Yesterday my sweet baby boy turned 21...in dog years.

It seems like only yesterday he was just a tiny little thing crawling on the table and chewing up furniture. My how the time flies. Now he is practically a grown ass man.

Just look at him way back when. These are all pictures of Fred taken the week after I tricked Jose into adopting him. Of all the manipulative and borderline shitty things I have done in my life, this is the one I don't regret at all. Fred has made so many people happy in the three years we have had him.

He makes me smile every single day.

Of course I am excited that my little guy is growing up and becoming a man, and to be honest he is a lot like his dear old mom was at his age.

Here is a pic of Fred this morning, he was a grump and had no interest in waking up after his wild weekend canoeing. I could never be bothered to get up before noon at 21 either.

And look at him posing with all that booze...if I had a dollar for every pic I took like that in college, I could buy him a solid gold bone.

Fred also tends to pee in public a lot...shocking I know, but back in my hay day I could be found doing that quite often as well.

Somehow Fred is able to eat like complete crap and stay in great shape...those were the days. It will catch up to him just like it did for his mom though.

I know no child wants to hear they are just like their parent, so I will stop listing the ways, but I will tell you how we celebrated the big 21.

After Jose and I had a non fast food dinner, we took Fred to his favorite restaurant, Checkers. Normally when he gets a fast food burger (which I'll be honest is about twice a month) He has to pick something off the dollar menu. Last night we splurged however and he got some kind of a jumbo bacon cheeseburger. The cashier did not find it as amusing as we did that we were ordering food for a giant dog who was up at the window giving her the stare down. She found it even less amusing when we asked for a knife to cut it up.

He loved it though, for real. I know Fred is a dog but I can totally tell when he is happy and we sort of communicate with one another. Ok, I will stop now before I sound like too much of a dog freak...or is it too late for that?

He of course got a frosty paws ice cream to top off the night, and this afternoon I am going to take him to the pet store to pick up a birthday present. If I know my dog, he will pick the most expensive toy he can find. And there is one thing you can count on with Fred, the more expensive something is, the faster he will ruin it. I once spent $17 on a fu*king ball and it was destroyed within nine minutes. 

Happy birthday baby. I love you.

9 Strangers Picked to Share a Cabin

I pretty much was on the real world this weekend guys. Except the only camera was my own, and we were all in our late instead of early 20's, oh yeah and I knew most of the people before we moved in together, but otherwise totally the same.

Saturday was my girlfriend's 30th birthday. To celebrate, her husband rented a sweet ass cabin on the Shenandoah River for the weekend. In addition to them + manfriend and I, there was one other couple (we had never met), and three single guys (we knew one of them). Luckily we all got along really well and had a pretty rowdy weekend. There was a lot of booze involved so that helped us to get to know each other quite well.

Friday night Jose, Fred, and I arrived at the cabin. We had a few road sodas on the way, so we were in great spirits. Most of the others were already there as the lucky bastards all had Friday off work. The couple we had never met made dinner for everyone and we drank and hung out in the hot tub and around the fire all night. 

Saturday morning we woke up bright and early for a nutritious breakfast of bloody marys then headed to the river to canoe for the day. Canoeing was quite a shit show as we all drank our body weights in beer and Fireball Whiskey. Jose and my canoe capsized twice during the trip, once when we were trying to help our friend who's boat had flipped and the second time when Fred freaked out because of a rapid and started running in the canoe...that wasn't even the exciting part of the day though, that happened when the couple we just met got engaged on the river! It was cute as shit, he tied the ring to his shorts and then dove to the bottom of the water to "find a rock". 

Sunday morning before we headed home Jose, Fred, and I hiked off our hangovers in Shenandoah National Park. It was fricken gorgeous. 

All in all an amazing weekend and I also learned when you put nine adults together in a house they act like toddlers. Don't believe me?? Just watch the real world.

Seven reasons, grown ass adults sharing a house are just like toddlers:

1.) They are super messy. Within thirty minutes of getting to the adorable log cabin, the place was trashed. Everyone's shit was scattered throughout the house, dishes were everywhere and it was a goddamn disaster. Much like the way children seem to think throwing toys on the floor is acceptable. 

2.) They eat like shit. Kid's seriously have the worst diets unless their parent's are super persistent about it. My niece lives on bread and chicken nuggets, even though my sister tries super hard to make her eat a balanced diet...she just won't. Little ones love chips and candy and all kinds of processed crap. Guess what, so do drunk adults on vacation. I literally had tortilla chips and 5 layer dip for dinner one night, paired with beer of course. Oh and the way they eat is the same as well, Friday night I watched three grown men eat steaks with their hands toddler style.

3.) They need their bottles or they get crabby. Toddlers need milk and us adults like our vodka and beer, but try and deny either one their bottle and things get ugly real fast.

4.) They fight about ridiculous things. Remember as a little one you used to get all pissy when your sibling, "called you a shut up"? Or crossed the imaginary line in the back seat?? Put 9 drunks together and the arguments are strikingly similar. The make up time is just as quick too.

5.) They need their sleep. After a drunken day on the river, we were all passed out in bed by 10pm. That is probably the same as the bedtime of children in the summer, but I wouldn't really know because I am not much of a kid person.

6.) They do reckless things and get hurt a lot. You should see my legs, it looks like I was in a war. Most of the guys jumped off cliffs and rope swings along the river (I would have too, but I was far to drunk when we encountered them). 

7.) They hate to clean. As a little one my mom used to have to force my sister and me to clean our rooms. When we did actually clean, we felt shoving our belongings under our bed was a good solution. On the last day of the trip when we had to clean the cabin up no one wanted to do it. It was pretty pathetic watching everyone try to get out of it. Needless to say I did a lot of it because I am a clean freak and I was unlucky enough to wake up early. 

(click little kid images for the links, I stole these pics from the interweb.)