(My little man with Santa!)
In all seriousness though I’m f-ing excited for 2013. I really think it is going to be a good year for me. 2012 wasn’t so bad herself! I really can’t believe this month is almost over it literally zipped past me, and I really haven’t done much but eat junk food, watch TV, and not get shit done at work; but my funk is over as of this week and I am blaming Santa for the beginning of January’s laziness. I had a really great visit to Michigan for Christmas, it probably couldn’t have been any better…I mean it. I got to spend tons of time with my family (they are the best family). I also was able to get belligerently drunk with almost every single one of my degenerate friends. There are only a handful of people I wasn’t able to see, so it was honestly wonderful.
(this photo has nothing to do with the post, but look how cute my boy is!!!)
I have been trying (pretty successfully) to diet the last few months. It has not been very hard at all with the exception of one thing…I haven’t been able to drink much. I love to drink, it is actually my favorite pastime by far, but according to the My Fitness Pal app on my smart ass iphone, alcohol is not healthy for me. I think the jury is still out, but when counting calories I have had to refrain. I knew it would not be fair to deny my family and friends back in Michigan
the old alcoholic me, so I decided binge drinking was allowed and encouraged during my trip. I got hammered as can be the second day of my visit when I hosted a brunch. My friends arrived at 1pm and the drinking continued until 9pm at which point we went to the bar. Bloody Marys, shots of Jameson, Mimosas, beers, and the grand finally shots of baileys (gross) made for quite a wild time (and that was prebar, lord knows I don’t remember shit from the bar). The recycle bin
after the party contained at least 4 fifths of vodka, 4 bottles of champagne and many other dead soldiers. It was a pretty impressive/disturbing sight.
The following morning was Christmas Eve, and for some reason I agreed to attend Zumba with my mom at nine am…I was honestly afraid I might toss my cookies on some poor woman trying to exercise. I know for a fact, since I did not shower that I must have reeked of booze. AHHH
memories.
New Year’s Eve was another highlight when I truly let my hair down and pretended I can still drink like a college kid. I must have had 78 vodka sodas that night and I danced like a little rascal until the wee hours of the morning. I went to a party at a hotel which I have never done before (more of a house party gal on NYE). It was fun thanks to my posse of college girlfriends, but otherwise the hall party is not for me. It was pretty trashy; think American Gypsy girls but all super wasted. Guys were shooting champagne all over the dance floor (glad I did my hair for nothing a-holes!). But it really was fun despite the lack of class.
The next morning, AKA the day of man friend’s and my 12 hour drive back to Maryland however was not fun. Not fun at all. He called me at 9am and said he was on his way to pick me up (Man friend went to a different party, we are progressive like that…I kissed a girl at midnight; kissed like pecked not Katy Perry kissed). At no point did I shower. I put on some yoga pants
and no bra and got in the car. My hair was crunchy from the champagne that was sprayed at me by the cast of Jersey Shore (I saw lots of fist pumping so it must have been them). I was angry…I did not want to be in a car! NO! I wanted to be on a couch eating Chinese food, or pizza, or a turkey club sandwich…I wanted to be watching reality TV. I did not want to drive (well ride, we all know I wasn’t driving) 12 hours. I hated life. The only things I enjoy when hungover are eating and taking showers. On a real bad hangover day I will take 4 or 5 showers and eat 2 or 3 days worth of food. See why I can drink on my diet??
Anyway, man friend is so nice. He was really sweet to me in my condition. I told him I was hungry and he had already gotten us Jimmy John’s subs for the ride! OMG. I took two bites of the delicious sub, and immediately screamed at him to pull over. I threw that sub up on the side of the I75 freeway. I am not sure I have ever thrown up on I75 before, 696 yes of course, but that was years and years ago. It was not my proudest moment, and baby dog was in the back seat watching the whole time. I did not throw up again the rest of the trip luckily, just slept with my arm blocking any light for approximately 11 hours. When we were just over an hour from our home, I told man friend enough was enough…he had to work the next day after all and it was about 10pm so me being the kind hearted gal I am told him I would drive. What a doll I am right?? 1 whole hour!! So I get behind the wheel and literally five minutes later am pulled over by a GD state trooper. I was clocked at 15 over and he wrote me a ticket for five over. FML! The worst part….I don’t even speed!!! I was just so tired and so hung-over still I guess my foot was extra heavy…honestly it was probably just all the crap I ate over the holidays weighing my foot down. You’re a real bastard Santa!
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