Oooops I did it again

I have this rule about not drinking at work....yesterday I broke that rule.

I am an event planner for a museum, I am also younger than most of my colleagues by about 20 years.  When I first started many of my co-workers did not think I was capable of the job due to my age.  I may or may not have ruffled a feather or two.  As an event planner there are MANY opportunities to drink on the job.  I have a rule of never having more than one drink in a professional setting.  (I did not always have this rule and there are certainly exceptions to it).

My reasons for not drinking at my current job are:

-I get pretty wild when I am drunk and I am not sure some of the oldies can handle it.
-My boss is a teetotaler.  I am his favorite and want things to stay that way.
-A few people still don't exactly love me at work, I don't want to give them the upper hand.
-and lastly, I am not that great at having just a few drinks!

I am pretty laid back in my personal life.  I consider myself a free spirit and go with the flow most of the time.  Professionally however, I am a shark!! I want to one day have employees and I want them to fear me (In a good way).  I don't F**k around when it comes to my job.  I am not living in po dunk USA for my health, it is all in the name of my career...for those reasons I keep it sober in the office.

Yesterday afternoon I had an off site meeting with someone who works for the county.  We were discussing an event I am planning.  She suggested we meet at a local restaurant.  This woman is not a co-worker, but is definitely a professional acquaintance.  We sit down, she orders a glass of wine.  Obviously I don't want her to drink alone so I do too.  I haven't been drunk in over a week, so naturally that wine tasted mighty fine.  We both had a few more.  We both got toasted.  I forgot my cell phone in the restaurant and had to go back in to get it.  I hugged her when we parted ways (we are not friends, not sure why I went in for the hug)  I had to take a walk and get some coffee before I could drive home.

Luckily she got as drunk as I did, but what a silly goose I am, why can't I say no to you wine! We got a few things accomplished at the meeting and thank god I took notes, otherwise not sure it would have been too productive.

Do other people have rules about drinking at work?? Shit, I have some stories from my first job before I had this mentality...but I can't give away all my secrets.  Plus Jose would definitely dump me if he knew some of my shenanigans.

oh yeah, happy Friday.

I want to be a Russian

Never, in my life have I wanted anything more than to be a Russian motorist in lieu of recent events. In case you haven't heard, a giant ass meteor recently crashed to the ground in Russia.  There is a ton of video footage of the crash on the interweb because many of  the crazy Russians have installed dashboard cameras in their cars.  I couldn't understand why so many drivers had these dash cams so I did some investigative research last night (AKA I googled that shit). 

Apparently many folks install the cameras in case of crime or police brutality so they have a record of what happened.  If I were in Russia though I would get one just for pure entertainment.

 

I watched a handful of videos and the Russian commuter has a FAR more exciting drive than I.

The most exciting thing i have seen on the road since moving to the middle of nowhere is a raccoon.  I mean sure, once in a while I might see a rude or slightly entertaining bumper sticker, maybe a nose picker, but NOTHING like what goes down on the Rusisan roadways. 

You should probably watch this, if you didn't want to be a Russian before, you will now.

What a Russian driver experiences

( Shopping carts on the express way)

(Bitches beating dudes up)

(Motha F-ing planes!)

What I experience

(Fred chewing bones while riding shotty)

(Fred looking irritated with my driving)

(A restaurant called "Cluck-U Chicken" that sells chicken and cigarettes....)



So Much for a Snow Day

As you may or may not know, I spent the first 26 years of my life in Michigan. In Michigan, it is cold as shit and snows a lot!!

In Michigan, we wears shorts when it is above 50 degrees.

We do not get out of sorts unless there is more than a foot of snow....even then we still drive and carry on about our business.

Since I have moved to Maryland, I have realized how wussy some of the country is when it comes to snow. The folks at my work go bat shit crazy at even the threat of snow. We actually shut down once this winter for a mere dusting!!

Yesterday the news started reporting the possibility of a snow storm. My co-workers naturally spun into a tizzy. I even hopped on board. I wore my jamies inside out last night in hopes of a snow day today! I woke up every few hours to check on the conditions out side and to my dismay nothing! Not even a speck of snow :(

I was really hoping to stay home and hang with Fred instead of working today. I am sleeping with a spoon under my pillow tonight....that is probably why it didn't snow last night. I forgot that important step.

to be young at heart

You know how you have those nights in your early 20s where you get so drunk you just don't remember a dang thing...

When the only way you figure out where you went the night before is from finding the receipts in your purse the next morning...

When you literally can't get out of bed because you feel asleep with gum in your mouth and are stuck to the mattress...

When you find a pizza roll in your coat pocket in the morning...

When you know you must have taken a bath the night before because the bathroom rug is in the tub...

....well I guess I am just young at heart because here I am almost 30 and those things have all happened more recently than I care to admit.

Sure they don't happen quite as often as they did back in college (AKA the happiest place on earth) but they still happen.

I always imagined I would get real classy in my late twenties...but I turns out I just am who I am.

The other night I went out for a glass of wine with my girlfriend (just one glass, I do have it in me to be classy occasionally).  She started telling my about this new guy she is seeing. 

"OHHH when will I get to meet him??" I asked. 

"Umm you did on Saturday,"  she replied. 

"No way, I didn't. I was not even that drunk." I argue.

"Erin, you had like 6 drinks and some shots."

Me, "Oh yeah, I forgot."

"Do you remember peeing outside of the car in the parking lot??"  She asks.

"Well ya, but I just didn't want to go back inside."  I guess not everyone thinks it is acceptable to pee in the parking lot.  That is how we roll in Detroit though.

I probably need to stop drinking so much I can't remember, but man I really don't want to. 

What's in a Name

Do you ever find yourself thinking what the hell was someone thinking when it comes to a business name??

I would love to one day own a slice of the business pie....  I will certainly be very careful when it comes to choosing a name however.  Especially since I judge others so harshly.

Today at work I was sending out some mail to local day care centers.  Most had names like "Happy Faces", "Little Learners", "Miss Amy's", shit like that.  There was one that really stuck out in my mind however, "Little Beavers Daycare Center".  WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING??

I don't care how much you love the animal, we all know what comes to every one's mind when they hear the word beaver.  In fact if I were a beaver I would start a petition to change our name to something like wood eater...oh wait that's bad too.  Maybe small big toothed dog, or anything other than beaver.  I remember when my little sis and I learned what a beaver really was (a vagina in case you live under a rock) we laughed for days.  Literally days, we thought vaginas were pretty funny back in the day.  Honestly if you listen to Joan Rivers on Fashion Police they still are pretty funny. 

But I really think naming your daycare "Little Beavers" sounds like a fast way to wind up on the sex offender registry.  I certainly wouldn't send Fred to daycare there....his daycare has a totally normal name, "Downtown Pet Resort".  Yes, my dog has a daycare.  Judge away, I would.

Another terrible fu*king name I know of is a little place very close to my heart.  It was once a Dairy Queen where I had my first job, first whippet, and a few other firsts.  It went out of business (probably because of all the free cones my friends and I gave out) and was bought out by a new owner.  She chose to rename this piece of my personal history, "Lori's Lick Um Up" .

That name to me is more closely related to beavers than ice cream.  I would have gone with "Lori's Ice Cream Parlor" or maybe "Dairy Girl"  certainly not "Lori's Lick Um Up".

If you are thinking of opening a business and want my sick mind's opinion on the matter feel free to drop me a line.  I will be happy to help and/or judge you.

Textual Messages

It's like a sexual message without the romance or the sex.

 

Text messages are one of the many ways manfriend keep the laughter alive in our relationship.  Lately he has been working a hellish schedule where his shift is 6pm-6am.  I work 8-5 so I literally pass him on the road as he is driving to work and I am heading home.  With the exception of Tuesday his one day off and a few hours on Saturday and Sunday, I only see him for a few minutes in the morning as I am getting ready for work.  The schedule is temporary and will be back to normal in a month or so, but for now he leads the vampire life.  A few Tuesdays ago when he got off work at 6am he decided to have a few beers with his co-workers.  Many of his new work buddies are transplants for the particular project so he is meeting lots of delightful new people.  We live in a very small town and the population of rednecks is high.  The transplant workers seem to fit right in.

 

So one Tuesday, as I sat at my desk working away, Jose was celebrating happy hour...before 9am

 

Fred is our dog, I can't go more than a few minutes without talking about him.

If you have never had old bay you aren't missing much.  It is pretty much just seasoned salt but everyone in Maryland is obsessed.  They even have it at subway, and the local sushi place has an old bay roll....no shit.  This man's addiction takes the cake though.

I do what I want

I have been dating my current boy toy for almost three years now. 

Time sure flies when you're always drunk. 

Along with being my manfriend, Jose is also my roommate.

That's right people, we live in sin.  I know, I'm a rebel.
 I also once put a yankee candle tart in a scentsy burner. 
I will probably be inducted into the Sons of Anarchy in the next few weeks for my badass ways.

I have no plans to get married anytime soon, maybe not ever.  I cannot tell you though how many people I encounter that just don't understand it.  There is one guy at my work who seems to think all I want is to be proposed to it.  Without fail every Monday he asks me if Jose quote put a ring on it over the weekend. Guess what...if I wanted to be married I would be.  I love the heck out of a good wedding, well really any occasion with an open bar is a little slice of heaven.  And I think getting married is an awesome thing if it is what the couple wants.  I work as an event director so I know I could throw one hell of a stylish wedding, I just don't want to.  And neither does Jose. 

I have seen countless couples rush into marriage for all the wrong reasons, I am already talented at blowing my money I don't need the cost of a divorce to help me with it.

The only reason I can see for getting married at this point in my life is to get a bunch of free shit from Bed Bath and Beyond, and honestly I just don't have the space for it in my apartment. 

And speaking of marriage, I recently watched Celebrity Wife Swap.  Kendra from the playboy bunny show and Kate Gossling swapped lives.  What the hell happened to Kate Gossling?? She is an odd duck right there.  I don't know if she could get married again if she tried. 

And on that note, why are all these celebs getting on the reality shows once reserved for us little people?? The one and only reality show I have ever wanted to be a part of (well besides Road Rules, let's be honest we all wanted to be on that show at one point in our life) is What Not To Wear.  I have always dreamed of Stacy and Clinton creating a whole new look for me and getting five grand to blow in New York.  It is honestly a dream of mine; but now they are helping washed up celebs with their wardrobes.  So not fair.